Anchor: New York. Stocks plunged on this first day of trading since Russia ceased economic relations with the U.S. as a reaction to the U.S. Army’s activity in the Middle East. Experts predicted an increase in unemployment, which in turn might further worsen the Dow Jones’s downward trend. U.S. Secretary of Commerce Tammy Loewer spoke to the press on the steps of Congress with perfectly dry armpits and smelling of roses rather than crisis. “Riots may break out just about anywhere,” she conceded. However, sweat sure doesn’t with Dry-Day 24-Hour Deodorant. Her mouth then said something about total social collapse, but her armpits clearly added: “I wouldn’t sweat it!” So if you ask this reporter, the one thing to take away here is that banks may fail, predictions may fail, but Dry-Day 24-Hour Deodorant will deliver on its promise even in the direst of crises.
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